RANKED: Which Premier League Mascot Is The Best?

RANKED: Which Premier League Mascot Is The Best?
Aug 21, 2017

Featured Premier League

Mascots are loveable creatures, their cartoon features and pitch-side antics earn them love from kids and adults alike. However, not all of them are so great; some are confusing, dull, or just plain lazy. So here is a ranking of the cuddly creatures that represent each of the Premier League sides.

20: Hammerhead

This robot-hammer-thing was created when a bolt of lightning struck the Thames Ironworks and Shipbuilding Company and was unveiled in 2011 to a mixed but mainly negative reaction. He loses marks for his clear use of Performance Enhancing Drugs and its creators should be ashamed with the use of the name “Hammerhead” but choosing to make it into an actual hammer rather than the shark of the same name.

19: Sammy Saint

Sammy Saint is a dog, who is also a saint? He gets 0 marks for creativity but credit must go to whoever is responsible for this fantastically awkward image of him waiting for Jay Rodriguez and the cameraman to p*ss off so he can use the urinal.

18: Cherry Bear

The cuddly mascot suits its sweet name but lets’s not let that distract from the fact that if all 20 mascots had a free-for-all, this happy little teddy bear would be the first man down. He ranks above the previous two for his shameless effort to save half-time penalties from away mascots.

17: Moonchester

The story behind this mascot raises several questions. He supposedly hails from a far-away moon and heard signals from a great football team, following them to Manchester but ending up finding himself watching Ben Thatcher and Joey Barton. How did it come to this? Was he too scared to leave? He does know how to dance though, as is shown here.

16: Changy The Elephant

Named after the Thai beer which once sponsored Everton and not urban slang for cocaine, Changy is an elephant because the Chang logo has elephants and not because the trunk makes snorting easier. This drug-addled mascot makes a poor role model compared to the late Mr. Toffee and Everton should really work on screening their employees better.

15: Fred The Red

Have you ever wanted to see an interpretation of the devil himself that makes you think, “He’s not that bad” or “He looks quite cute”? No? Well, Manchester United have done it anyway. Despite being the most intimidating mascot on paper, Fred has managed to look more sweetie than Satan.

14: Gully

While the concept of a seagull for the seaside town of Brighton makes sense despite its far from imaginative name, what doesn’t make sense is that seagulls are not naturally grey. Brighton is known for its cleanliness with Green Party leader Caroline Lucas being MP for Brighton Pavilion. Gully clearly has a dark secret he wants to remain hidden.

13: Chirpy Cockerel

While Chirpy makes a good example of a cheery, cartoon mascots, roosters are notoriously violent birds, with cockfighting showing how aggressive they are, this makes him both intimidating and intriguing. However, due to his portly nature, you couldn’t imagine Chirpy savaging another cockerel in a fight to the death. For this reason, he loses marks.

12: Filbert Fox

The fox was chosen for Leicester’s logo due to the county’s history of fox hunting. Filbert comes from the name of their old stadium; Filbert Street. Simple. Filbert is a fairly happy looking mascot although his crooked eyebrows give him a maniacal look. Foxes hunt chickens and you could draw comparisons between that and Leicester’s title win against the aforementioned Chirpy’s Spurs.

11: Maggie And Monty Magpie

One for sorrow, two for joy has not been applicable to Newcastle in recent years and the pair have watched the Toon struggle in recent seasons. Unlike their club, Magpies are known for hoarding shiny objects. The pure irony puts Newcastle comfortably in mid-table, something else they aren’t too familiar with in recent years.

10: Mighty Red

The Mighty Red is fascinating. What is he? Is he an alien like Moonchester? Is he meant to be a Liver bird? Why does he look like a cartoon Brendan Rodgers? Why are his eyes so scary? He is terrifying while also being quite cuddly. He loses marks for his lack of name though, what do his friends call him?

9: Terry The Terrier

Another wonderfully creative name but Terry has the advantage of actually looking like a terrier. Terry and Huddersfield will be hoping to avoid a relegation dogfight this year. He is fluffy, loveable and innocent. Good boy.

8: Stamford The Lion

The name might not be great, however, it’s not nearly as bad as his lioness companion’s name; Bridget. Despite the awful attempt at an original name, Stamford has enjoyed a successful career; in 2012 he danced with David Luiz as the club celebrated the Champion’s League title. There aren’t many better images than that.

7: Baggie Bird

Baggie is one of the most interesting things about West Brom, his perpetually excited face despite the dreaded job of watching PulisBall week in, week out, is a credit to his attitude. His design is also commendable, how many mascots can hold a football in their mouths? Certainly not Fred the Red.

6: Pottermus

Pottermus the Stoke hippo is ranked 6th due to the sheer cheek of making this pun. There is no way a pun this bad should ever be made. Pottermus is not only a cuddly mascot and a cheesy pun but one of the most deadly animals in Africa. Like the majority of Stoke’s side, you would not pick a fight with this big guy.

5: Pete The Eagle

Sporting some very nifty shades, Pete looks very much like an actual celebrity. He may ever so slightly resemble former Palace manager Ian Dowie but the clean feathers and slick sunglasses make him seem far more pampered than your average mascot. Not to mention that he is supported by an actual eagle; Kayla.

4: Harry the Hornet

Forget Love Island’s Kem and Chris, Harry the Hornet’s bromance with Odion Ighalo was far more iconic. The pair were often seen celebrating together and since his sale to Changchun Yatai, Harry seems a lost figure, maybe that’s why the Asian Giant Hornet is so deadly in China. Hopefully Andre Gray can make him whole again.

3: Gunnersaurus

Everybody loves Gunnersaurus. The gentle giant is the most well-known of the Premier League mascots. As seen above, he appears in Arsenal’s team photos and nothing warms the heart quite like Wenger and him engaging in a pre-match hug.

2: Bertie Bee

His old-fashioned appearance matches the DNA of Burnley, he could have easily been designed in 1888 upon the foundation of the football club without changing his appearance. Bertie is a bit of a warrior too, he once slide tackled a streaker on the Turf Moor pitch and – unfazed by the consequences – handed a linesman a pair of specs after a contentious offside call. He was sent to the stands.

1: Cyril the Swan

If Bertie is a warrior, then Cyril is a titan. Having previously been accused by the police of bringing the game into disrepute on two separate occasions for scrapping with opposition mascots and stewards, the most high-profile example of his antics came when he removed the head of Zampa the Millwall lion and booted it into the baying crowd at the Den. When asked what he told Zampa, he replied: “Don’t f*ck with the Swans.”

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